Making provision for The Lord

Reading about the sheer amount of struggles so many, both unmarried and married are facing with food, immorality and other personal struggles, I couldn’t help but write this article. Not just for everyone else, but also for myself. Seeing people fall who seemed so secure in their walks with The Lord, is both saddening and humbling. If these giants of the Faith can be so shaken, I can be too.

In my discouragement, I had to look to what The Lord had provided us about this topic in The Bible, in the hopes that I could find a gem or two in The Word for now, and for the future. I believe I have…

In 2 Samuel 11, The Bible tells us it was time for the Kings to go out to battle, and King David chose to stay at home, instead of be with his troops in battle. Not only that, The Ark of The Covenant (The Presence of The Lord) went with them. He was laying on his bed one evening, when he decided to arise and go for a walk on the roof. As he was walking around, he noticed a woman (Bathsheba) bathing on her roof, and as he CONTINUED to look at her, he realised she was “beautiful to behold”. His mind then became so consumed by what he had seen, he in his curiosity asked about who she was, and when he found out, he sent people to bring her to him, full of intent for what he was about to do. He KNEW what he was doing was wrong, there is speculation that Bathsheba’s husband was even David’s friend. It was too late though. After providing provision for the flesh by his idleness, he then provided himself with yet further provision by “beholding” Bathsheba, and then continued to THINK about her.

Then he carried it out, he had an affair with Bathsheba, causing her ruin, and his own. She became pregnant, and when she told David of this, he tried to hide what he had done. He called for her husband Uriah to be sent home in order that he would sleep with his wife, and the baby would be thought to be his. The thing is, Uriah was a different sort of man to David. It would be wrong of him to take pleasure from his wife while his people were at war, and to take his focus from the purposes of The Lord. He was preparing mentally and physically for the battle he knew he would be sent back to, and nothing was going to get in his way.

So he chose to stay away from his wife, to not create provision for his flesh. It was likely he WANTED to go to his wife, at least to see her, to feel at home, but he knew the temptation to drink, and the temptation to take his wife would be strong. So he did not allow himself to go to her, and stayed with the Kings servants instead. When the King found out about it, he couldn’t understand it, but he had to try again. Uriah was invited to a banquet the King had set up, and the King made him drunk, hoping he would put his convictions aside and go to his wife anyway, but again he did not go.

So what does all this mean? From what I can see of this section of the story, King David chose not to do The Lords work, he stayed behind and became lazy. He then saw a woman naked, and instead of choosing to look away, indulged himself in beholding her from afar. He looked at what was not his to have, it was forbidden and he didn’t care. He indulged in his fantasy and curiosity, and refused to allow himself to be convicted in order that he might sin.

Uriah on the other hand had far more right to his wife, and yet he had such strong principles, and convictions, written in his heart, as well as such a strong sense of purpose and direction, he could not allow himself to even provide provision for his flesh. He knew The Lords plans and purposes for his life, and he would not be moved from that, even when tempted by the head of his earthly authorities.

He finished his life honoring and glorifying God. It took a lot of humbling for The King who was known as a man after Gods own heart to finally be convicted of his many sins. It took great repentance, but The Lord forgave him for what he had done, but for the rest of his life he was plagued by the consequences of his decisions, as was his entire family. What was once United became divided.

In his repentance, he had again become a man after Gods own heart, and The Lord blessed him. His relationship with God was restored, but what had happened on earth caused much pain and disorder for many generations.

Friends, I pray for you, as I pray for myself that you will take steps to be like Uriah. Ask GOD what His ultimate standard is. Ask GOD how you can serve Him in this area, and then follow Him tenaciously, and don’t let idleness catch you unawares. When temptation presents itself, don’t THINK about it, renew your mind, and focus on The Lord and what He sees instead of what you see. Stand strong in your convictions and principles, and in doing so bring glory to God. Remember that all God has given us we are stewards of not owners of. Everyone and everything are The Lords, and He calls us to honor all that is His. Especially each other. Don’t take what is and never will be yours to have, even a nibble destroys the apple. Try and make provision for The Lords work in your life rather than your own, or someone else’s. May The Lord bless us all as we endeavor to serve and love Him.

“Today I am…”

I’ve been reading the book “When God Writes Your Love Story” again to brush up on my view of a Godly love story. In this book, one of the authors talks about her sister-in-law who was single well into her late 20’s. Her younger brother asked her if she thought she was called to singleness, and after pondering for a moment, her response was: “Today I am.”

This not only intrigued me, but it got me thinking about how Godly this response was… You see so many verses in The Bible call on us not to overthink about the future, but to focus on the present and Gods plans for us right at this moment. Some of these include:

Matthew 6:34 (ESV)

“Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

James 4:13 (ESV)

Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit”— yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.”

Isaiah 40:31 (ESV)

But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.

Ecclesiastes 7:14 (ESV)

In the day of prosperity be joyful, and in the day of adversity consider: God has made the one as well as the other, so that man may not find out anything that will be after him.

1 Corinthians 2:9-10

But, as it is written, “What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love him”— these things God has revealed to us through the Spirit. For the Spirit searches everything, even the depths of God.

Jeremiah 29:11 (ESV)

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Psalm 119:105 (ESV)

Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.

It is truly incredible, because Krissy’s words are not just applicable in the situation of singleness, but whatever stage you are in at this moment, if it cannot change without The Lords intervention. The Lord is a lamp unto our feet and a light unto our path, a lamp holds very little light, only having enough illumination to show you where it is safe to take your next one or two steps. It is not for us to know Gods entire plan for our lives, and I suspect if we did, we would be too overwhelmed by it to even take the first step. Thankfully all The Lord requires of us is to walk. He shows us the way, and He makes the path safe for us to walk down. He holds the map, knows the final destination, and has grand plans for the journey along the way.

We just have to take every opportunity we can to serve Him throughout our day, because sometimes the illumination does not even reach past one full day. If we follow what The Lord says and focus only on the things of today, we can be content to say: “today I am…”

“Today I am single.”
“Today I am well.”
“Today I am going to follow my Lord.”

I encourage you all, as I encourage myself now that I’ve thought of this, to take one day as it comes, to be content with where God has placed you today, and serve Him as He provides the opportunities to serve Him on a moment by moment basis. To be available in your heart and mind to when He calls you say: “Here am I. Send me.”

May The Lord Bless you as you choose to embrace where God has you today.

A time of separation and no dating

Listening to Andy Stanley, my guy friend and I both realised that we need to spend some time reconnecting with God before we can pursue a future (that we both hope is together), with the man/woman God has for us. At the moment, the major block that is in our way of being together is time. We can’t be together for 2 years til he gets his residency here, and if we continue to be as close as we are now, there is no way we can be just friends by then.

We both believe time is our friend, and God has given it to us in this instance to seek Him. At this stage we have decided to part ways indefinitely, and if it’s The Lords will we will be together, He will bring us back together in His perfect timing.

Fight for me

You know, one of the crazy things in the life of a Christian single is the desire to honor your Mother and Father, and at the same time, when the need arises, choose something that they would not. There is such a strong pull towards obeying your parents because all of your life, you are trained that obedience is right, that your parents wisdom and advice should be heeded and acted upon.

Then comes the first time in your life when it is no longer easy to do this, and no assurance from The Lord that in a particular situation you should obey your parents. Your heart is torn in two directions, as is your mind, and you find yourself stuck, not knowing which way to turn. In some ways it would be the easiest option to just go and do what your parents ask and expect, and yet before God you don’t believe that their decision is the right one, but you are still concerned that you may be reading more into what God wants, than is truly there…

The situation I’m talking about right now is finding yourself totally and completely running the same path towards The Lord as someone else. Someone else of the opposite gender, and someone who is Godly, honorable, trustworthy, seeks God above all else including you, respectful of your parents, pushing you to honor your parents more, conducts the relationship without deceit, and desires God’s blessing and your parents; does not want to strip your parents of the position that God has put them in your life, and your ideas of ministry, and where you believe The Lord is leading you are the same. This person supports you, especially through tough situations like a Cancer diagnosis. Refuses to let you put pressure on your parents about you both, so that it doesn’t overwhelm your family in their trials. When they are humble about their walk with God, and not showy about where their at, their relationship with The Lord is strong, and their thoughts run deeply, and constantly on Him. When they have offered to help and support the whole family, and encouraging you to spend more time with your family. When they are not selfish, or possessive, but kind, and gentle. At the same time strong of character, possessing a great deal of self control, and a good measure of the fruits of the spirit.

They are all this and more, and yet your parents have concerns, concerns that do not worry you, concerns that you can see are easily overcome, or that you don’t mind plan B if the outcome is not what you hope for.

The problem is, your parents see this, and that scares them, and they begin fighting to keep you, worried they will lose you, not realizing they will never lose you. Their fighting for you begins to wear you down, makes you question whether or not you are wrong, because of the inbred desire in you to do everything they ask. The pressure mounts up, and you find it hard to function or to choose, you want to seek The Lord, to find peace in the situation, but whenever you find it, it is torn away again by the next conversation.

This is me right now. I’m being brutally raw and honest about where I stand. Part of me sees this from an outside perspective because it’s the only way I’m coping. It’s the battle between your parents dreams for you, and where you believe God wants you to be. You see I have always wanted that when I chose a man to spend the rest of my life with, that we would together bear ten-fold fruit for the kingdom. That I would be built up in The Lord by being with him, and he with me. I see this happening with the man that I have found now, and I have never been in such a close relationship with The Lord as I am right this moment.

If you’re the “me” in this situation, then I pray that The Lord will give you clear direction. That He will make your way easier, that you won’t be left to battle, but that you will be fought for.

If you’re the “guy” in this situation, then I beg you, if you believe that your “me” is the one, then fight for her! How can you do this? Don’t push her parents away, don’t avoid them, but still be considerate of their space. Encourage your “me” to honor her parents as my guy has been doing, to respect their place in her life as her protectors and stronghold. Talk to them yourself about their reservations, write them down, go and think and pray about them, and come back when you have answers and plans in place to ally their concerns. Talk to them about where you stand, how you feel about their daughter, and where you hope to see things going. Tell them how much time you are investing into seeking The Lord in the situation, and the revelations you receive as time goes on.

Tell them what you are doing to honor and cherish their daughter, and how much you respect them and desire their blessing. They fear the unknown, so keeping them up to date is really important… Finally, above all, don’t let your lady be in a situation where she feels torn in two different directions. Fight for her, because her parents are too, but let it be in a way that honors her, her parents, and gives them a peace that she means as much to you, as she does to them. That you are fighting with them for her good rather than against them. Then maybe they’ll entrust her heart to you.

Parents, we get it, you love us dearly and want the absolute best for your baby girl. We understand that you dream for Prince Charming for us more than we have dreamed of him ourselves our entire lives, we know that you hope never to lose us, but to gain a son. In this situation, if you handle things right, you will get what you ask. Mostly.

You taught us well what we are looking for in the man that will be our husband and the father of our children, and we ask that you trust us to make our own decisions in this. You have done your best to train us for this time, and we understand that this situation is new for all of us. We desire to honor you in this too despite how this can alter your personality in your fear, and how you can treat us the way you hoped you never would.

Although we desire to honor you, showing and in some cases, saying that you do not trust us to seek God and make the right decision in this area of our lives can be very hurtful and can push us away. Going to extremes and saying things like: I’m not proud of you, you obviously aren’t listening to God, you two will NEVER get our blessing etc. And expecting unquestioned obedience can be more hurtful than you know, and can push us away. If your baby girl lives at home, she can feel trapped by your judgement of her and her man, and may decide that she needs to prove her independence to you, and her worth by moving out. Undoubtedly you’ll blame her man for this, when really you may have unwittingly told her that she has to grow up, and she might actually obey you in that. Also, your daughter might be very open about where she is at with her guy to help with accountability, but please do not abuse this privilege. As an adult, your daughter does not have to confide in you, she does not have to tell you everything she does or says, and some things she may wish to keep to herself. Please respect your daughters boundaries with you, and don’t see them as deceit, but rather a fine balance between what she is ready to share with you; and don’t pressure her to tell you all when she may be working through something that to her is not black and white.

She really wants things to be easy, she does not want to choose someone you don’t want, but if she perceives that you haven’t given her man a chance from the beginning, she will fight for him. Basically, parents we ask for you to hold your tongue when in your hurt and fear you want to lash out. Try to trust that our choices are not a reflection on your parenting. You did a good job training us, now we ask that you trust us to have heard your advice all this time, and to choose what is right before God. We ask that you let go of the perfect dream man you envisioned for us, and truly seek to know the man that we bring to you, and ask God what HIS dream is for our man, and what HIS purpose is for your daughter. Sometimes, like in my situation, your daughter already is called to missions, and despite who she marries, and from where, she will be off serving The Lord anyway.

Please know that as we did when we were children, we can easily see the emotions that underly everything you say and do. We can easily see if you give the guy a chance or not, and if you don’t, we are less likely to listen to your counsel. Finally, know that we love you, respect you, deeply desire to honor you, and even more deeply hope that you will be the sort of parents who will try to keep their daughters hearts whole, and not divided. When you push too hard, you can push your daughter away, and into the arms of the man you don’t want her with. Only a daughter who knows this will cling to you and hold fast to you as well despite the pain in order to remain wise.

Proverbs 19:21
Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the LORD that will stand

Mark 10:9
Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

We know that love is a choice, we know that God doesn’t often tell us exactly who we are to marry, but provides us with many good choices. Please look at the man your daughter has chosen and ask yourselves “why is she choosing this man?”. Try and see the man through God’s eyes and hers. Is he good for her? Does he encourage her to seek God and honor you? Is he pushing her boundaries? Is he bringing out the best in her? Does he support her in the tough times? Is he able to spiritually lead her? Is he encouraging her to be open with you, or to keep secrets? Does he cherish, value and adore her? Is he trustworthy? Has he left sin behind since following The Lord? What fruits of the spirit does The Lord bear through him? Is your daughter bringing out the best in him?

Please parents, we beg of you, ask these questions, and be honest with yourself if you have prejudice against a man. We ask you to give him a fresh start. We ask and pray that you would step back and look at this through God’s eyes. When you do this, we will see, and we will respect that and you for your mutual respect of us. May The Lord guide us all as we journey through these new phases of life.

Walking with The Lord when He asks you to wait

You know, recently I’ve been talking with The Lord about this situation I’m in at the moment. The Lord has revealed to me time and time again that I need to wait, wait for Him to say yes or no. I’m not so good after a little bit of time passes to stay waiting. I’m like a young sapling that is alone in the open, the strong winds batter it, and it is pulled from the ground. It all comes down to patience really, but I’m not very good at that at the moment either I believe…

My natural instinct is to say “yes” or “no”, I’m not good at “stop right there and turn neither to your right or left”. You know, it’s awesome that God can teach us these lessons in ways that are calm and patient and gentle. You see, because I’m so bad at obeying, I am having to turn to God to keep me upright and grounded. I’ve been searching the scriptures tonight, and I found these really amazing words in Ruth. Ruth is talking to her mother-in-law, and her mother-in-law is trying to persuade Ruth to go back to her false gods, her people and her family, but instead, Ruth says this:

But Ruth said: “Entreat me not to leave you, Or to turn back from following after you; For wherever you go, I will go; And wherever you lodge, I will lodge; Your people shall be my people, And your God, my God. Where you die, I will die, And there will I be buried. The LORD do so to me, and more also, If anything but death parts you and me.” (‭Ruth‬ ‭1‬:‭16-17‬ NKJV)

In a way, these words are echoing in my heart now too… Lord, please keep me from leaving You, or turning from You; for wherever You want me to go, I will go; and wherever You ask me to stay, I will stay; Your people are my people, and You my God, are my Lord. When the time comes for my death or Your return, may I be ready to stand before you. If I ever depart from You Lord, would you fill me anew with conviction, and the good news of Your grace, so I may again walk in the ways and the path You would have me walk.

Christian guys, why I won’t marry you…

It’s really hard to say no. Especially when you are so nice, when we have so many of the same interests, and we get along so well. We see you around and know you’re a nice guy, but nice just doesn’t cut it. Your position in the church doesn’t cut it. You see, the truth is many of you don’t seem to understand what we are looking for as priority number one.

1. We want to see that you LOVE The Lord, with your whole heart, and that your life bears the fruit of that.

When I choose my husband, there are so many things I’m looking for. I want a husband who is going to stick around for better or for worse, in sickness and in health… With the divorce rate being what it is, the likelihood of a guy sticking around is not high. At least not without God at the centre of our lives.

I want my husband to spiritually lead me. I want to know that in all big decisions (as well as the smaller ones), I can trust that my husband has prayed about the decisions he makes, and that he is following The Lord’s will. I want to be able to pray with him, and partner him in his journey.

I want him to be the sort of man that I can say to my daughters: “you need a man like your daddy.” And to my sons: “you need to be a man like your Dad.”
A man that is wise and trusts in The Lord, and contemplates his life in context of The Lords will is someone I want my children to emulate. I also want to know he is going to be there, and be involved in the raising of the kids.

I want a man who is a good steward of the things The Lord gives into his care. A man who won’t idolize me, or the family life, or financial status or numbers of any kind, or fame. Someone who can prove that they can provide, especially in the case that I can’t work at some point. Ideas are fabulous, but stability is more essential. In saying that, being ready to forgo stability for the mission that God may set us apart for.

I want to see your generosity, kindness and love to people who mean nothing to you. I want to see you act on their needs with Christlike character and grace no matter how they treat you. I want to see you welcome people into your inner circle just because Christ has done that for you. I want to see you step up, be a man, and fulfill the role God has set for you. Even in the little things that you will be gentle, and not overbearing.

You see as flattering as it is for you to like me. Tell me I’m gorgeous, desire and ask to go out with me, I’m going to say no. Despite how much I myself might like to agree at the time, I cannot accept your proposition, not because you aren’t amazing, not because you aren’t gorgeous (personality wise). It’s because my happiness is not the purpose of my life. The Lord and His will for my life in all things is my purpose. In the end I know that God’s plans are best anyway. Without Him at the centre of your life, I won’t remain happy for long anyway.

Humility

This is purely for my own benefit as I know that I will need to remember this again probably tomorrow…

For years there has been so many studies on humility that I have been a part of. Though I have always known I needed to become humble, until tonight I have had no practical process of thought by which I can follow to achieve this. In fact I’ve always wondered how I could become humble…

So tonight I realised a few key things:

1. I own NOTHING. I do not have money of my own, possessions of my own, family members or friends. All of these belong to God, not to me, and yet The Lord wants me to be a good steward of these incredibly important things and people for His Glory.

2. I was bought at a price. Therefore even my very person does not belong to me. I am The Lords 100%. No transformation, no act of service, no verbal communication is worth anything as it is a part of fulfilling my purpose.

3. My purpose is God given not my own dreams or goals. Each moment I have a breath in my body, I am called to fulfill the purpose God has set out for me.

4. God does not need me. God has given us all free will, and I am given the choice to follow His commands or to disobey. Either way, His will will be done whether or not I choose to do it. He will use someone/something else to do what is needed.

5. Knowing how worthless and unworthy I am, God still loves me. He gives me opportunities with every breath I breathe to choose to follow Him or not. I am saved wholly through His grace. I am blessed to be given the opportunity to serve Him.

How incredible is our God?!

The Keys to my heart

Every girl is different, but I know that I for one have big dreams on how I want my future husband to treat me… Actually, these dreams I see as keys to my heart.

The bible tells us girls to guard our hearts, and one of the ways to do that is to put together a list of boundaries you want your future husband to have, character traits and qualities, mannerisms, goals etc.

These aren’t necessarily in perfect order, as I thought of some important ones later, but here is as good a place to write them as any, and so here goes:

1. He must love The Lord God above all else including me.
2. He must display a large measure of the fruits of the Spirit.
3. His life must constantly be worked around the calling of The Lord, and where He leads, he follows.
4. He must have goals, spiritual, and everyday.
5. He must be constantly seeking to know The Lord and immerse his life in Him.
6. He must love all those around him, and that includes his own family.
7. His focus should not be on the past, or future, but he must live to serve The Lord in the present.
8. He should be prepared for all possible situations that may arise in the future.
9. He must be a good steward of all The Lord has given him.
10. He would think only on things that are good, true, noble, lovely etc.
11. His character would be peaceful, gentle, but his convictions to be made of iron, not easily changed without The Lord revealing this.
12. He would be able to spiritually lead our family, especially me.
13. That he would be like Christ when pursuing me, with all honor, care, and faithfulness.
14. That he will desire to know more about me, and will ask questions.
15. That he will cherish me, and treat me as I am, another temple of The Holy Spirit, and a vessel in His service.
16. That he will be a gentleman, and would be courteous, not only to me, but to his sister/s, mother, daughters, grandmothers, and all other women.
17. He will never verbally tear others down, even in jest, that his words will only encourage, lift up, and honor The Lord.
18. A healthy sense of humour, and with it the sparkle of life.
19. A deep unrelenting, fervent passion for The Lord, a passion like a new Christian all of his life.
20. He will be romantic, and his love languages will match mine perfectly, and I will feel loved.

I feel it prudent to write that these things above are all things that I am striving to be in the Lord also plus more, especially in domestic areas. I want to be a woman who’s heart is so lost in God that a man needs to seek The Lord in order to find me. I want to have my eyes fully on Jesus, and Him alone until in Gods wonderful timing, I might become a helper to a man, made comparable to him. Only if this is The Lords will.

So as you can see, the keys to my heart are pretty lengthy, and I have a few subdivisions of these which mean that I will never be able to fall for a man that doesn’t have all the keys.

My hearts desire…

Tonight I am reminded of my greatest hearts desire: to fulfill my purpose by serving The Lord, my husband, and bringing up my children to love The Lord with all of their hearts and souls and minds, and to follow His way. I want to be a proverbs 31 wife, I want to have The Lords word written on my heart, and my meditation on these words to be constant through the day and night. I want to think on and speak only things that are edifying to my Lord, I want to be humble and meek and gentle of spirit. I want to treat my body for what it is, the temple of the Holy Spirit, and to help my family to do the same. I want to be The Lords vessel, set apart for His calling and ready to step out in faith when He calls, and I want to be pure of heart only giving the stewardship of a part of it to those The Lord would ask me to.

Right now, the desire of my heart in the way of a husband and children seems like an eternity away, and I still have so much that The Lord is working through with me to be humble, meek, gentle of spirit, and a few things are lacking in the proverbs 31 department, but I know that if it is The Lords will that the desire of my heart is fulfilled, then He will do it in His timing, and that timing will be right. My arms feel empty, but if I trust in The Lord, He fills up my heart with His overflowing joy and peace and love. May it be unto me according to your word oh Lord.

A Story…

Today I haven’t any great spiritual truths to impart, no grand show of strength and trust in The Lord. Today I am weak, very weak, but I’m hoping that in this, God will be strong, and that in some way He may use this part of my story to resonate with something in you.

Today has been a day for reflection, as another year passes, and again I go to the Christmas carols alone. My awakening to love came into being when I was 17… My uncle and Aunty’s Taiwanese student Michael asked me to his formal. I hadn’t had a formal and so was excited to be going to this one. Michael went home for the holidays, and we corresponded via Skype about our outfits for the grand night and other things too. Gradually I began to like Michael, and could tell he liked me. He was over at my grandmothers house when she revealed to us both that we each had feelings for each other. There was only one problem. He was not a Christian…

I refused to go out with him unless he was, and he refused to become one unless he actually believed it. We continued becoming closer and closer though despite our stipulations. One night we were talking about God, and he asked me what proof there was that God existed when He is an “unseen God”. I gave him evidence within nature, a stamp that only this God could put on creation, and he was amazed, and yet informed me he needed firmer evidence to believe.

I said to him that if he was really open to finding out if God is really there, then he should ask God to reveal Himself to Michael. Michael and I then prayed together that He would. That night, The Lord answered our prayer. He was driving home from my place at 2am after our huge discussion, where he fell asleep at the wheel. He crossed a busy main road, and managed to avoid multiple trees and light polls as well as houses during that moment. The car suddenly stopped itself. His foot was taken off the pedals, and miraculously missed all obstacles. When he woke up the car was on, still in drive, without the handbrake or foot brake on stopped in between a tree, a light poll and a house, something that would take an amazing parallel reverse park, or multiple point turn to achieve. The only damage to the car being the drivers side mirror was knocked off, and there was a dint in that side of the car, however there was no evidence of collision to anything surrounding the car. As Michael woke up, he later told me he felt Gods presence in the car with him. He called me then and told me what had happened, but was so astounded he didn’t give his heart to God that night. He needed one more bit of proof that God was in it all.

The next day, I was at work and felt as though The Lord was calling me to attend a college in another country. With Michael planning to do uni in the country we were in at the time, I knew I had to call him with the bad news that I would not be staying. I did, and it turned out that we both had the same news to share, we would be living 6min away from each other. This was the day that Michael gave his heart to The Lord, less than 15 days after the formal. It was at this point we stepped into the next phase of our “friendship”, we will call it preparation for dating.

It was an exciting phase, although very different from the normal relationships in how much we had to figure out before we could become more than what we were. See we both were planning to date for the purpose of exploring the possibility that we would marry, so we both knew he had to go to china once he finished his education to work in his parents factory. We had to work out the logistics of marriage and kids in that environment, as well as me leaving my family to do so to see the viability of our relationship.

It was at this point around 9months into our close friendship where my family started seeing the flaws in a relationship between the two of us. They worried about the differences in culture, about me being away from them, about my future children, the loneliness of being unable to speak the language and having to stay at home day after day for years. Despite all of this, I had fallen in love with him and from what he said, he fell in love with me.

The pressure built up as time went on, it was unbearable to love someone you know you could not be with due to the circumstances of each of your lives. It was unbearable to contemplate letting him go, and in the end I didn’t have to. My indecision on the status of our relationship eventually eroded any false sense of security we had seen in each other, and Michael ended it while on holidays via Skype.

I had gone to end it many times, but couldn’t bear to hurt him. In the end we were both hurt, me for the end of what could never have been, and him because I had never let him go. To this day, I still love him, though I now understand I loved him unconditionally as a brother in Christ, as my closest friend and confidant, and as my family, but not the way a wife should love her husband. I never let myself do so. Fast forward to now, 4 years later, and I am still alone, at least in the way of not being with the man The Lord has for me.

My family cannot provide the love and cherishing that I need, and my friends are all on their way to sharing their lives with the men God has provided them with. All are so blessed! I am blessed to be able to serve The Lord, unhindered by my attention being focused on another. Right now, while I’m weak I don’t feel blessed. In saying that, when The Lord pulls me out of this bog, and I know He is working on it right now, I will be ok, and my focus will again return to the true reason I am here on this earth.

May God Bless you as we celebrate again the birth of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, who has waited over 2000yrs for you and I to be ready to be His bride. The bride of Christ. May we ever be prepared for the day when The Lord will call us home to spend eternity with our everlasting bridegroom.